unprediktability of life

2009-11-19T12:57:00.004+08:00

to you i lean on, from you i get the blessings and guidance. guide me through each day with a smile. (:

2009-08-14T22:53:00.001+08:00

WHY DO I KEEP RUNNING FROM THE TRUTH, WHEN ALL I EVER THINK ABOUT IS YOU. that was how i initially felt. DO YOU EVER THINK WHEN YOU'RE ALL ALONE ALL THAT WE CAN BE, WHERE THIS THING CAN GO? AM I CRAZY OR FALLING IN LOVE? IS IT REAL OR JUST ANOTHER CRUSH? then i realised it was more than just a crush. WE WERE AS ONE BABE, FOR A MOMENT IN TIME. you made me feel like that. when we get in each others' embrace, the world seems perfect. TIME CAN'T ERASE A FEELING THIS STRONG. it seem like it was gonna last. deep down i could have guess it, this is not what i think it's gonna be. I AIN'T GONNA CRY NO, AND I WON'T BEG YOU TO STAY. this is just another chapter in my life. it adds more spice to my life story. no doubt it hurt me but nothing change. things are just the way it is. no lost, no gain. (:

2009-07-24T22:31:00.003+08:00

lost. that is just what i'm feeling right now. annoyed, is another. i don't even know why am i feeling such. this is what that's annoying me. is this post-adulthood-syndrome? haha. it suck. at one point, i can be feeling so happy and hyper, then the next minute, i'd be so depressed like as though i've just been dumped or rejected, except that this feels much worser than that. do i need an expert on mental health to help me sort out my uncertainties? sighs. sometimes, i feel like the whole world's burden is on my shoulder. and sometimes, i feel so empty and like the world's gonna crash down on me. what i'm going through right now might sound minor to some, but it's really bugging me. urgh. guess it's no point talking about it. not gonna make my situation any better. sighs.

2009-07-20T22:32:00.002+08:00

i woke up this morning and i realized that today is my dad's birthday. how old, i don't know. it has been 10 over years since i last saw him. honestly, i don't even know if he's still here or not. been hearing stories about him over the last years but just choose to let it pass. but whatever it is, i love him. the times we spent together. jeez. why am i even talking about this. anyways, i had a very pleasant day at work earlier on. and last weekend, i'm really proud of myself. i managed to do all the classes by myself without any problem. in fact, i enjoyed myself. came back early after soccer yesterday and wanted to nap but of cos i ended up not sleeping. haha. too much distractions. but right now, i'm definitely sleepy. yawns. later. :p

2009-07-05T17:26:00.006+08:00

it's sunday. why am i not the least happy? maybe cos it's fading away. way faster than it made its way through. it has been a super ke-rreh-zehh week for me. so so exhausted. been sick half of the week and still not getting any better. very frustrating. i was just wondering if maybe the doctor gave me a wrong set of medicines. haha. c%$^&l sued for sending @#$%^&*# girl home. haha. i should get my one minute of fame if that was in the papers. lol. i don't know what is really wrong. it's been close to a week since i visited the doctor's. i felt so sick that day during work so i went for a quick visit in between work. got 2 days mc. but obviously went ahead with work. i just wasn't myself the last few days of the camp. sorry guys. i just hope things get better for the week ahead. smiles.

2009-06-12T19:43:00.002+08:00

seen the dreams. seen the fantasy. now it's the real deal. finally, i've got it. a full time job. everything should be finalised by coming monday. pray hard all goes well. thanks to bestie once again. i also think that god heard my prayers well. HE definitely knows what i wanted. it's all a matter of being patient. i'm also glad i managed to talk it through with both the in-charge. smiles. bestie have done a great deal for me. ily! it's like a blessing in disguise. anyways, i've been wanting to blog about this but keep forgetting. last saturday, i went for that stupid audition. woah, let me tell you this. it's not easy at all. even way before you face the judges, there are so many other challenges. i can't believe i actually stood out there in the blazing sun for almost EIGHT hours. i was there at 7.30 in the morning. and at 2.30, i left. i was feeling so sick right up to my stomach. no breakfast, no lunch and no toilet break could be the reason. i kept drinking like nobody's business. as patient as i am, that was it. i tested myself to its limits. lucky enough, i made it home safely despite feeling dizzy and all. but overall, a great experience. it's all about endurance and being patient. if i had the chance, yeah i'll do it all over again. better equipped of cos. hehe.

2009-05-21T19:43:00.002+08:00

is it true that when you're in love everything seem perfect? like even your enemy is your friend? haha, just feel like asking that. nope, i'm not in love. not yet. haha. i'm trying to relax and not liking ALL the girls i see. which i normally do. checking out is a MUST though. yeah. had a lazy day earlier on. wanted to sleep a bit in the day which of cos i ended up not doing. haven even touch my lesson plan for tomorrow. uh oh. shit! yesterday was fun though. don't know what the hell i did. was checking my phone then i saw THAT video. OMFG! what was i thinking. i'm so dead. there goes my "pride and dignity". haha. anyways, it was a great night. that spirit really made me crapped alot. went home just now. had the worst experience with a bus driver ever. it's his fucking fault that he didn't see me hail for the bus. to think that after i got on the bus he jam braked on purpose. just to show his anger. then still stared at me through his rear mirror. i was so pissed that i wanted to go to the terminal office to complain. but i managed to control my anger and let it go. everything else was good. just sleepy. yes, i am sleepy. what is new right. that's my middle name. yawns. guess i'm gonna clean up and watch tv. haven been watching much of tv. ttyl!

2009-05-14T16:03:00.008+08:00

OMG! it's just a while but it seem that so much has happened. and a couple of decisions made. so yeah, bestie came back safely to singapore. still in one piece. haha. first thing first, i'm very happy these past few days. as planned, my manager wanted me to take the classes from 11th to 13th may on my own. she said that's my goal. if i could do it means i'm ready. so yesss ahh,,, i managed to get through all the 3 days on my own. she was really pleased with me which made me happy that FINALLY someone appreciates my hard work. initially i'm worried about how things are gonna be but thank god everything went well. i'm proud of myself. thumbs up me. yay! so of cos now i'm an expert at nursery rhymes. haha. anyways that aside. i've decided to be a part of something. i wouldn't wanna say what though. iyela nanti orang ingat act pulak. i just wanna try it out for fun. see how it goes and all. no pressure at all. getting the butterflies though. hehe. okay dump that aside as well. i've decided in another thing. at that is to go on. i don't wanna pursue anymore. it's tiring and i think it's gonna be a total waste of time, so yeah. negative and negative can NEVER click so forget it. you have your mood/ego/temper, so do i. i should be doing okay cos it's not like i've never been through this before. you're not the first girl i like. just gonna carry on planting and cuci mata. haha. cakap pasal cuci mata, i saw this really cute girl on my way home earlier on. her bus passed by the bus stop i was at. i saw her only from the side view. then i just thought to myself, no worries. singapore is small. we'll bump into each other again. and then. ( drum rolls... ) the bus that i was in, now passes by the stop that she was at. what a coincidence. what's the possibility of bumping into a complete stranger on the same day, within the same hour. hmm... ( bubbles, bubbles, bubbles... ) anyways, guess i'm gonna get going now. gonna prepare the lesson plan for tots tomorrow. (:

2009-04-28T00:34:00.004+08:00

alone. that's what i'm feeling these past 2 days. cos bestie is not around. i can really feel her absence. sent her off to the airport on sunday. everything was alright except for one thing. i really don't understand why is that girl giving me the cold shoulder? it kinda upset me when she gave me this fucked up look when i said bye and take care. what did i do to you man? liking you is not what i can control. i can't control my emotions can i? i'm not asking you to like or talk to me. i don't care at all. anyways, forget that. it was really funny that day though, before she came. i had a birthday gift for bestie, as it was her birthday the following day. after she packed her stuffs, i slipped the present into her luggage without her knowing. wanted it to be like a surprise when she unpack at phuket. then ah, this girl said her luggage is heavy la. then called me, "eh come, help me to revise my stuff. see if you can bring home some stuff." i was like shit. no way man. cos if she unpacks, that is it. she's gonna see the gift. then i told her this, "eh, i think no need la. the stuff is okay. no need to unpack la." she said, "no no no, i need to revise. too heavy." so i unwillingly lay the luggage and pretended not to know the combination when she asked me. when it was me who set it. haha. she unlocked then i told her to unzip. at first she was like, "OMG! it's so chaotic in here." my heart skipped a million beat man. really hoping she missed it. then fuck, she saw it. then i confessed. "okay, that's from me. you're supposed to know it when you unpack in phuket." then she goes, "why didn't you stop me from revising me stuffs?" yeah right, i tried to and even changed topics for the 10th time but too bad. i failed, miserably. haha. she goes on, "thank you so much, it was really a surprise." you're most welcome bestie. that's the purpose, to surprise and to make you happy. (: hope you're enjoying yourself there. praying for your safety too. misses. (((((:

2009-04-16T20:51:00.004+08:00

i've decided. yes, i'm gonna pursue. be thick-skinned and go for it. someone advised me hell lot today. summarising what she said is, "you want it, go for it." at first i was really really confused of where i'm heading about this whole thing. i don't wanna go all the way only to realised it's a waste of time. but come to think of it, how am i suppose to know if i don't try right. like a line from coldplay's fix you, "but if you never try, you'll never know." how the hell can i push the negativity away from me though? i always think that i can't do it. or am i just too afraid to try. but one thing i know for certain is that i really like her alot. i really do. whether she's aware or not, that's secondary. well, what i can tell myself right now is just work hard and even harder. (: assholes who thinks i'm being immature thinking about this or whatever, so be it. how i'm feeling is important. cheers.

2009-04-14T18:34:00.004+08:00

here i am again at home all alone. feeling so fucking bored. i seriously don't know what to do. been you-tubing and all but am still feeling the boredom. so i thought why not blog a bit and just blah the time away. i thought of changing my blog layout but feeling kinda lazy. it's so tideous. well, for me at least. i want something dark and plain. just like my life. haha. i guess i'm just gonna stick to the current one for now. it's not that bad you know. i really like the simplicity of it. been having it eversince i started to blog. it's cool. anyways, i wonder if that bitch is over it. probably not. maybe she's just like that asshole checking up my blog. sheesh. get a life people. my blog is a boring one. so quit checking it up. have you guys forgotten that my life is not as COLOURFUL as yours. lol. so umm, i'm kinda confused right now and the song "so confused" by raghav is the perfect song for me now. yeah, obviously i like someone. the situation is soooo complicated. i'm not sure if she knows it. okay, i'm trying to open up here. so yeah, i do get attracted to girls. let's not question my sexuality here. it's verrry confusing and complicated. i think she sort of is aware of my feelings for her but i don't know. i don't want her to freak out or step away from me. i just want things to be like this for now. i'm not ready for any commitment just yet. if only i knew how she feel. not about me but in general. about me liking her and stuffs like that. i don't think what i'm feeling is abnormal. it's absolutely normal if you're attracted to the same gender. you're bound to. the question is when. that's all. and for me, it's now. simple as that. i don't understand why some people say that i love practically every girl. that is soooo not true. i may like or hold feelings for them but i've never loved a girl before. you know, as in love, love kinda thing. see, told you it's complicated. sheesh, maybe i'll heed an advice from a friend. just take things slowly but be persistent though. (:

2009-04-13T02:12:00.000+08:00

it's been such a long and busy week. nabilla just turned 18. legal age now. hehe. celebrated her birthday at siloso beach resort. the planning was chaotic. she's so nervous on the day as if it's her wedding day. lol. sandwhich ade sejarah eh. haha. i helped her with the food and some other. she enjoyed herself really well. it's all thanks to dearest bestie who never failed to make others smile. initially me, bestie and some other decided not to stay over and leave it to nabilla and her friends. but in the end, we stayed over. and we being as crazy as ever, jacuzzi-ed at 3 in the morning. talked shit and played games. it's was an awesome night. had lots of fun with them. and yeah, that night my feelings for someone started to grow. actually it's been quite a while but......i don't know. let's just call it INFATUATION okay. i can't really think straight. it's almost 3am dude. anyways, someone just called me. i don't why but it really made my night or rather day. whatever. she's totally different offline man. it's neither a good nor bad thing but it's cool. told you i was much reserved on the phone. i talked shit online so, yeah. (: thanks for calling. it may not mean much to you but i'm really happy. sighs. feeling sleepy but don't feel like crashing in just yet. maybe i'll talk to her again. i'm out. nights!

2009-03-22T16:28:00.000+08:00

hi ya. life's been pretty lame BUT the BITCH remains the same. i know YOU'RE out there somewhere still checking my blog out. it explains why there isn't much words for YOU now right. there's no word in the english dictionary to describe YOU. the closest i can get is HEARTLESS but still that is way too kind. ( brushes the thought of HER away. ) bad luck! i had an early day yesterday. woke up at 8, went over to turf. then blah blah blah-ed the day away. gonna go out for a while now and probably come back home later for iSketch. hehe. out!

2009-03-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

how could you even think that way of me? how could you bring yourself to judge me like that? i'm not what you think i am. why are you being so shallow? is it wrong for me to ask you a favour? it's okay to say no and yes i was being stubborn and yes i'm used to your bluntness but it just hurts me. sighs. i guess i'm still a baby. right?

2009-03-10T00:20:00.000+08:00

OMFG! aren't YOU just dumb? i'm not a frequent blogger but it's just recently that i thought i should do it more often cos of SOME people of cos. gosh, my tagboard. it's more than obvious it's YOU. when i read it, surprisingly i'm not angry at all. in fact, i just laughed it off. it's so hilarious. like how much stupider can YOU fucking be? even a 3 year old can figure it out. i bet YOU must be burning when YOU saw my post especially for YOU right? now that YOU read it, YOU want some justice done? let me see. YOUR fucking piece of shit up there probably thought of this brilliant idea. omg, no one would ever thought of that fucking idea. so the fucking amazing idea was to go to my blog, be an anonymous reader and tag it. oh my, i'm in awe. YOU'RE fucking smart. why didn't i thought of that? ( a round of applause to this BITCH please! ) there you go. god, are YOU burning again? aww, poor YOU. don't YOU have enough guts to display YOUR fucking name? or are YOU ashamed of YOUR name? or are YOU just the same as that talk-only-no-action lamp post? i bet YOU guys are just the same. if i were to start about that shameless whore, i probably won't get to sleep later on. haha. let me just re-type what THAT gutless bitch wrote and break down what she meant in my own words : 1. do you know that you're categories as low life? [ i don't but thanks for sharing the joy. it takes one to know the other. ] 2. nothing else to do but to curse other people. [ did YOU feel the pinch? well i'm not cursing any other, it's just YOU cos i fucking hate YOU. more than anything. ] 3. well bitch, you should fuck off and i'm fucking sure your life would be double the miserable for making other people's life miserable. [ hmm. beating around the bush, but to cut it short. YOU deserved it! ] and by the way, i'll keep making YOUR life far worst. i know YOU'RE there checking on me so the more i'll fuck it up for YOU! as far as i know, no one else is feeling miserable b'cos of me. it's only YOU. YOU started the game, i'm just finishing it up for YOU. thank me bitch. it saves YOU lots of trouble. LOL!

2009-03-08T01:34:00.000+08:00

i was really angry earlier on so i thought to myself that maybe i should blog later on when the anger have subside. but it seem that the anger is still stuck here with me. in fact the more i try to forget about it, the angrier i get. today has gotta be the saddest day of my life. sadness turned to anger and now hatred. i hate YOU so much now. words can't describe how much hatred i have for YOU. maybe a punch on YOUR fucking nose will tell the story. YOU turned my happy life to a living hell. i really wonder what is YOUR fucking problem? are YOU jealous? what about, i wonder too. maybe cos YOU got no friends. but tell me, why would anyone would wanna get close to YOU? YOUR attitude is so so fucked-up. i can't believe YOU actually went to that extend. YOU are trying to ruin my life. bit by bit. YOU don't go around destroying peoples' lives just cos YOU can't get YOUR happiness. have YOU ever wondered how many of us hate YOU? if i were YOU, i'll be so ashamed of my own life. i really wish i can say YOUR fucking name so that the world can know what an asshole YOU are. i symphathise those people who have no other choice but to listen to YOUR fucking shit. gosh, i thought my life was miserable but YOURS is far worst than mine. i thought today's visit was gonna be a good one, ( with the exception of YOU of cos ) but YOU fucking spoilt it. i think i've said it like a million times but let me just say it again cos i just love saying that line, I HATE YOU! yes you fucking bitch! i still don't get it. as far as i remembered, i didn't sign anything that state that i'm not allowed in there. fyi, i didn't even sign anything documents to begin with. so i see no reason why the fuck i can't go there? did i breach any policy? which i believe there isn't any so what the fuck is wrong with YOU. i hope i don't see YOUR fucking face ever again. now that i just saw YOUR face, i guess i'm gonna be bad luck-ed for days to come. sighs, why am i even wasting my time on YOU? YOU'LL never change so it's not gonna make any difference does it. lol.

2009-03-06T18:46:00.000+08:00

sighs. that's what i've been doing since i woke up i guess. today has gotta be the boring-est day of my life. i don't know why but today has its extra boredom. weird isn't. i was trying to get hold of bestie since like forever but i couldn't get through the line. i eventually figured out that she's busy and alone so nothing new. i don't know but for whatever reason when she finally called back i felt happy. like something has finally made my day. haha. sounds corny isn't? but i don't care. gosh, i seriously can't take my eyes off LILY ALLEN. her version of keane's everybody's changing has been playing in my head since days ago. i just love her accent. just say she's my obsession for now. *winks*

2009-03-04T16:46:00.000+08:00

here i am again stuck at home on a boring wednesday afternoon. went to 2 job interviews over the last 2 days. hope to hear some good news. ( fingers crossed. ) staying at home for a week is driving me insane. i think i should really check myself in at IMH. any space for me? haha. the interview that i went to yesterday said that right now they are not hiring. but when they expand on july, they'll probably need me. so from now till july, i suppose i'll rot at home. lol. i'm really crossing me fingers and hoping that sfbh calls me back. by the way, i recently get to know this hot chick. she's chinese mixed with indian and some other. i don't know why but i find this x-factor in her. looks aside of cos. when i tell her stuffs, she listens attentively. this plus point of her really make me like her. *blush* hehe. okay, i think i gotta run. need to run some errand for bestie. chao!

2009-02-27T18:32:00.000+08:00

phew! i'm finally done with my resume. i did it all over again from scratch. it was really tedious i must say. but i'm just glad it's done. sent in a couple just waiting for replies. kinda anxious. i hope something work out during the weekends. i don't wanna stay home for long. cos when i start working again, i'm sure to get sick cos my body needs to adjust all over again. anyways, i must say that i'm happy or rather saying serve you right to someone. see, that's the problem if you're over-confident. hahaha. i'm seriously LOL now. i better get going. i'm so hungry. *groans*

2009-02-26T17:30:00.000+08:00

it's me again. yes, still rotting at home. i rest the whole day yesterday. not thinking about work at all. i'm almost over the fact that i got fired. just standing up on my feet again. things seems to be doing great. got good friends around. that makes me more than happy. it's just annoying that i have to do my resume all over again. sighs. it's tiring. but it's cool cos i can add a new job experience to it. i'm not trying to boast, but i'm actually confident in my next job hunt. just hoping i'll have a better one this time round. i'm meeting evil #1 and blur #1 later. it's great cos we're keeping in touch. last night, blur #1 drop by. it was good having her around. it wrapped up my day with a BIG smile. (: love you! guess i gotta get going now. ttyl!

2009-02-25T17:55:00.001+08:00

it's me here yet again blabbing about my boring life. i must say countless things has happened to me over the period when bestie were not around. i honestly don't know where to start. my mind is still jumbled up about yesterday. so whatever i wanna say might be all over the place. i don't really care so long i get things out. right now, i'm not feeling sad or angry at all. i'm just annoyed over the fact that i've NEVER been appreciated. in YOUR eyes, i'm never right. up to this day, i'm pretty sure YOU still won't admit that YOU don't like me. everyone knows how bias YOU are. but of cos, which thief will admit their mistakes. wouldn't the prison be full all the time. haha. i still can't believe YOU are not over last thursday's incident. at the very end, YOU still say that i show absolutely no effort at all to talk to YOU? that's a fucking lie. i tried talking to YOU but the vibes i get from YOU is saying that i should take a step back. YOU give me the cold shoulder. YOU talk to someone else when i was just right in front of YOU. YOU told them things that YOU would normally tell me. why would i wanna disappoint myself by talking to YOU further. i decide things for myself. why would i wanna go ahead doing things that don't make me happy. days after that, YOU keep picking on me for the slightest mistake. i see it as an oppotunity for YOU since you-know-who is not around. i think if someone else would have did that same mistake, YOU wouldn't have blow as much as YOU did to me. WHY oh WHY?? i really wonder. it feels like i did a grave mistake to YOU in my previous. but then again, if i have a life before this, i wouldn't even wanna get close to a hypocrite. YOU always misjudged me. whatever that goes wrong, i'm ALWAYS the first person that you think of. it's so UNFAIR. i hate it so much. i've got no say at all. anything that i say, will never sound right to you. i know all these while YOU'RE just waiting for the right time. and now, aren't YOU just satisfied that i'm FINALLY out of YOUR sight. whatever happened yesterday could just be a blessing in disguise. i've always wanted to leave but couldn't bring myself to do it. HE'S probably up there helping me to get out of the misery. i must say i got the freedom. out of hypocrisy. but YOU definitely, have to change. every bit of YOU. YOU labelled others but perhaps due to that business, YOU forgot about yourself. sighs. i guess that's it. i feel much better. and by the way guys, don't you think three months is a long time?? i'm just stupid to stay on and being made used of. and to you skinny bitch, ( i'm not sure if bitch is the right word though. ) i lead my own life and i DATE whoever i want. it's none of your business. move on, you make yourself look so pathetic and worthless. is it cos no one wants you now that you're still here. waiting for an unfulfilled miracle?? fattest hope ever, it's NEVER NEVER gonna happen. so be sad and depressed all over again. you DESERVED it. serve you right. call me evil, you made me do this. by the way, i'm so sorry your EX-GIRLFRIEND wants me now. lol.

2009-02-21T01:42:00.000+08:00

yawns. gosh i'm really sleepy. the whole week have been really exhausting and fucked-up for me. i was telling evil #1 that i'll probably drop dead due to exhaustion by the end of the week. haha. no shit man. hmm. a couple of days ago, dearest bestie got really sick and had to be hospitalised. poor her. thank god she's alright now. it's really shitty without her around. but i cannot be selfish and not let her have her 10 days MC. anyways, someone has been real flirty with me these days. cheeky. i wonder what's running through her mind. lol. kinda excited for work tomorrow. there are newbies coming in. yay! yawns. there i go again. guess i'm gonna crash now. nights!

2009-02-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

i just gotta know someone new. she's a really nice person but what a waste she's a slut. like really a SLUT! she's goes around fucking like different girls every night. hmm. what a waste. she's very sexually active. haha. hot aussie chick. hehe. if only she's not what she is. what the fuck is with the condition man. fuck the condition bitch. why do you need him around. sighs. anyways, it's one month for someone since 0501. haha. so excited for you. envy you at the same time of cos. if only i can have that special someone as well. ): but like she said, it takes time. good things must wait. and yeah, i've been waiting since like forever. haha. if i have that special someone, i think i will be a different person. hmm. that day, someone gave me chocolates. it really made my day. was smiling from ear to ear. didn't even had the opportunity to thank her. guess i was dumbfounded. haha. so sweet of her. she always have that cheeky smile glued to her face whenever she passes by, which i like. *winks* went to the gym earlier on during lunch. it was cool. no one around at 12 so it was just me and bestie and music. it was awesome. training during lunch is great. i think i will just train during lunch. we went to bugis for dinner just now and i did something really stupid. walked and ran across the water fountain. i was effing drenched. might just be sick soon. sighs. yawns** very sleepy. chao!

2009-01-21T02:27:00.000+08:00

patience : the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

respect : to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with ; to respect a person's privacy.

i'm actually amazed with these words. it seem easy to understand but yet difficult to have that certain quality. people these days seem to have lost their basic manners. why can't THEY be patient. is it that hard. when you see someone busy, do you go excuse me here, excuse me there. where are your manners? even a 3 year old i believe knows that it's extremely RUDE to interrupt. kids nowadays i guess are well-mannered than a grown up. what a shame. you people take things for granted and always want things to go your way. PATIENCE people, patience!

patience is one thing. another is RESPECT. this, in fact is worse. THEY already have no patience, respect is beyond their ability. they probably don't respect themselves so that explains why they have absolute zero respect for people around them. when you want someone's attention, you say excuse me. which i believe what your teacher taught you probably when you're 5 or 6. you don't go around banging tables or say, eh. that's f*ing rude. i'm actually a little disturbed. where have their manners go to? they probably don't have any to begin with. lol. okay i'm getting bored talking about these people who will continue to exist so what's the point in wasting my time. haha. i'm out.

2009-01-16T13:30:00.000+08:00

there's this board at work that says TODAY'S ADVICE. we're suppose to point at one of the boxes so mine says something like this ; forgive even if you can't forget. i find it kind of stupid cos right now i'm not angry at anyone in fact i made someone angry. bestie's probably angry at me about last night. i'm sorry. it's not that i didn't wanna tag along. i don't feel good. i've been having migraine since yesterday's lunch. i felt bad about it. urgh. i feel so lousy at work today. sighs. anyways, i'm on my lunch break now so thought of blogging. i guess i better get going now.

2009-01-14T14:15:00.000+08:00

lately i've been full of emotions. be it good or bad. my previous post is about this person who used to be my special someone. when i come to think of it, i guessed it was all a mistake. even when i tried to make that person happy, there's bound to be something that person does that upsets me. am i just plain stupid? being made used of time and again. how can i ever think that the feeling is mutual. maybe i'm just too nice to that person that perhaps that person took advantage of me. the truth really shook me up when i confessed. the confession could be a good/bad thing. i take it as something good. as least now i won't go on wasting my time. but on top of all that, having your best friend with you when all the shit happened, is the best thing ever. i can be all sad and reminiscing about what happened, but she'll always, without fail cheer me up. ily bestie! i guess this time round, i'm really moving on. be strong and i'm sure there are better choices out there. i'm open to options. hehe.

2009-01-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

this post is for you
i'm moving on;

Masih tertinggal bayanganmu
Yang telah membekas di relung hatiku
Hujan tanpa henti seolah pertanda
Cinta tak di sini lagi
Kau telah berpaling

Biarkan aku manjaga perasaan ini, ohh
Menjaga segenap cinta yang telah kau beri
Engkau pergi, aku takkan pergi
Kau menjauh, aku takkan jauh
Sebenarnya diriku masih mengharapkanmu

Masih adakah cahaya rindumu
Yang dulu selalu cerminkan hatimu
Aku takkan bisa menghapus dirimu
Meski ku lihat kini
Kau di seberang sana

Biarkan aku menjaga perasaan ini, ohh
Menjaga segenap cinta yang telah kau beri
Engkau pergi, aku takkan pergi
Kau menjauh, aku takkan jauh
Sebenarnya diriku masih mengharapkanmu

Andai akhirnya
Kau tak juga kembali
Aku tetap sendiri
Menjaga hati

Biarkan aku menjaga perasaan ini, ohh
Menjaga segenap cinta yang telah kau beri
Engkau pergi, aku takkan pergi
Kau menjauh, aku takkan jauh
Sebenarnya diriku masih mengharapkanmu

Sejujurnya diriku masih mengharapkanmu

ps: if you ever change, perhaps i'll love you all over again.

2009-01-07T14:40:00.000+08:00

i've just finished lunch at work and have got a bit more time so thought of updating my boring blog. when i was lunching earlier on, saw these two fuckers. i bet you they were married men. and for fuck sake stop checking out other women. they totally were ogling at this lady. i really hate this. what an asshole. anyways, me, bestie and some other went to the night safari last night. it was a really cool night until bestie got this phone call which upsets her. i'm suppose to be on my day off today but i'm covering her for work today which i don't mind. cos i would rather be at work than at home. i'll keep thinking about the rejection. anyways, poor her. her aunt is so sick so they have to do their prayers and all. i feel for her. don't worry okay my dear, i'm always here for you. guess i'll just be going home straight after work today. so exhausted. think i gotta go now. stupid gathering.

2009-01-04T18:40:00.000+08:00

i believe everyone faces different unhappiness in life. how you control your emotions is all that matters. yesterday i broke down so badly. like a child who lost her mum at a crowded place. it felt so bad to be rejected. i take it as a rejection but xx kept saying it's not. xx is just confused. i don't understand what is xx confused about. it's so unfair to me. i really like xx and i thought i should let xx know how i feel. at least from my point of view, it's better to know the truth now then later when it's even intense. i guess i was just over-confident. the second half of the day at work was disastrous. i couldn't concentrate well. i may look okay on the outside but deep inside i'm hurt. only time will heal everything. i really would wanna thank my bestie and some of my other colleagues who lend me a shoulder to cry on. love you guys! as for xx, just be yourself okay. nothing is gonna change. me and you, we are still friends. just pretend nothing happened and that i said nothing.

2008-12-14T01:44:00.000+08:00

i'm missing bestie badly! this past few days have been disastrous without her around. everyday before and after work, i feel so aimless. guess i'm just too attached to her. haha. well, she needed a break and i'm glad she's coming back soon. yay! anyways, i went to plaza singapura earlier on. felt reluctant initially cos i was alone then i decided to ask sheila to tag along. after i did what i'm supposed to do, we had dinner and just chill. we talked and talked for close to 3 hours. it was a pretty interesting talk. we counselled each other. i'm glad i asked her along. i really hope she'll pop in fidgets tomorrow. we have got some business to attend to. hehe. anyways, work wise things are still alright. everything so far under control. YOU, corruption still rules right? fuck the changes. haha. besides work, my life seems to be filled with colours now. cos i've found that someone who i think i really like. like what i told rachael that person is called xx. people around me of cos know who i'm talking about but for the rest it'll just be a mystery. i can say that i'm actually in love with xx. well it could be infatuation though. what worries me the most is that xx is such a flirt. of cos xx don't admit it. xx is also so sensitive. and whenever there's arguments, i always have to be the one apologising even when it's not my fault at times. this frustrates me alot. really hate it!! i'm pretty sure xx is aware of my feelings but i'm jst afraid xx might just take all these as a joke. i'm really serious about this and i'm ready to take things to the next level. i hope xx could be more mature and take things seriously too. sorry if you think i was venting my anger at you just now, which i might have did but unintentionally though. sighs.. it's past 2 in the morning and i'm not at all sleepy. missing bestie badly la. ): late night tv shows anyone?? lol.

2008-10-29T16:33:00.000+08:00

hey yo. i'm feeling kinda happy plus excited but i seriously got no idea what about. haha. initially maybe excited about the whole boxing thing on friday but no longer am cos i don't think i can go. now excited and can't wait for halloween i guess. can't wait to see the adorable kids all dressed up. i hope not all their costumes are cheesy. like fairies or angels. anyways, i was kinda tired at work earlier on. had a nap during my lunch break which makes me better. felt really energised after that. bestie's on half day today. she needs to attend the boxing briefing. will catch up with her later to buy stuff for the chalet over the weekend. maybe that's the reason i'm all excited. so yeah, there's this something that has been bothering me quite a lot lately. i really feel like i lost a sense of belonging. honestly, i missed my family. it seem as though i lost the love from my family. it's not that i hate my family or don't like living with them. it's just that whenever i do come back to visit them, i feel so out of place. like i don't belong there anymore. maybe it's just me but maybe that's just the way it is. it's breaking up really badly. first we had to move out, that's cos we planned to shift to a new place. then temporarily we had to stay elsewhere and even there we had to leave. it's so annoying. idk should i be sad or just angry at them for the lack of planning in life. now my family is at my aunt's place. i'm not sure till when are they gonna be there. i'm just hoping and praying that everything's gonna be just fine and be like how it used to. i'm not getting emotional or anything. i'm in a cheery mood today and i'm not gonna spoil it. chao.

2008-10-28T15:04:00.000+08:00

omg! she's such a lazy pig. for fuck sake, get your ass moving and quit dreaming. just plain lazy. do what you're suppose to. i just can't stand her laziness. urgh!!

2008-10-23T23:29:00.000+08:00

woo hoo! there's just so much to say. been wanting to blog but there wasn't seem to be a chance. so start with last weekend. we went clubbing at ipanema. it was an awesome night. had loads of fun. nope, i didn't flirt with anyone. was being a good girl. hehe. everything was just so cool but after all these time i realise something is amiss. i've got no dancing partner. when we get to the dancefloor, i'll end up dancing pretty much by myself. maybe i should start looking for one. haha. but to sum it up, it was a great night. then on tuesday when we are finishing work, mich came in with good news. we could go for wednesday's night IFS weigh-in. hell was i excited. there's gonna be free drinks. after the main event ended, we continued drinking like there was no tomorrow. first we ( me, bestie & mairead ) had like our own private party. drinking, snapping pictures, playing games by ourselves. then eventually we hung out with the rest when i suggested that we should snap pics with sandy, rachael and the rest. this is when the real fun begin. the ones who were already there just kept dancing then we joined in. it was just awesome. i've never dream i could do something like this. we danced, drank, danced again and drank even more. i'm pretty sure the rest was equally high. this time round, i'm very sure i flirt real bad. lol. then around 12, the people started to leave. and finally me and bestie went home close to one. in the taxi was another tragedy. bestie started throwing up. good thing the taxi driver had plastic bags in his cab. and i threw up too but not as bad as bestie. the minute we got home, i couldn't think of anything else and just crash. the next day at work, i was quite okay but bestie i think was hungover. haha. but overall, it was a fantastic night. i wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. thanks ian and sandy!

2008-10-13T14:44:00.000+08:00

hey yo! i'm so glad that today is my day off from work. i'm so worn- out. idk if i should say yesterday was a terrible day at work cos i've experienced horrible days like a million times. haha. i just felt so tired yesterday, both physically and mentally. physically maybe cos i didn't get proper and sufficient rest. mentally maybe cos of just how life is for me. i get really sick of these people, esp on weekends. they just won't fuck off. there's bound to be misunderstandings. sometimes i get so tired that i just feel like giving up. but i don't wanna act on impulse like how i used to. it's not easy. what am i? something cum something plus another thing? i don't mind getting all the shitty stuff as long as i'm being appreciated. i guess i'm far from the standard to be appreciated. idk why am i suddenly so frustrated right now. maybe i've been bottling it up for too long. and one more thing apart from not being appreciated, i don't think people trust me. (not all but some.) why can't you let certain things go and give me and yourself a chance. it's unfair for me and also you. is it so hard to trust someone? i know it's not easy but it doesn't kill to try isn't it. my own burdens are already killing me and now i've to even think of my family's burden. seriously mum, what the fuck were you thinking? can you spare a thought for my feelings? do you know it hurt me so much? sometimes i hate you so much and just feel like running away. just run with no destination in mind. i'm so sick and tired of taking care of peoples' feelings but mine is not even thought of.

2008-10-05T00:42:00.000+08:00

omg! i'm so exhausted on top of that i'm so so sleepy. went clubbing last night and only got 2 hours of sleep after that. i was practically in my own world at work today. was in a total daze but i'm actually kinda proud that i did no mistake. when it was 6, i was so excited. like finally. me, bestie and hendria went for dinner nearby work. that steamboat thingy. for $18 per head, it's actually a good deal. some people really made full use of it. straight after dinner we went over to mustafa. bestie had always wanted a walkie talkie that we can use for easier communication at work. especially when the person you need is not in sight. we tested it just now and we're so excited to use it at work tomorrow. hehe. anyways, i'm listening to a couple of songs in the acoustic version and it's really nice. grrr. can't wait to get a guitar for myself. i want one badly. yawns! getting really sleepy. ttyl.

2008-10-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

yippie! hari raya is officially over for me. haha. yup, just a day is more than enough. well, hari raya was alright. though my sister in law isn't in singapore, we still celebrate like normal. i think hari raya this year is the most emotional for me. there's just so much problems revolving around me right now. work is a norm. family problem is endless. anyways, i'm just glad things went smoothly. asking forgiveness was kinda weird. especially from my brother and sister in law whom i've not been talking to for so long. but overall things seem alright. just missing meera that's all. she's hari raya-ing in indonesia. can't wait to see her. after my 2 days off from work, i'm back again today. everything seems okay. yan left fidgets today so i guess cafe is back to square one. lack of staff. but i think things should be just fine. i'm gonna have my dinner now. ttyl.

2008-09-29T01:38:00.000+08:00

weekend parties this time round was awesome. not that busy. i've been kinda lazy to fast these few days. i get hungry easily that's why. haha. last wednesday, me, bestie, mairead and hendria went to catch mamma mia the movie. well, i gotta say it was cool. very nice movie. only i think there's like a bit too much singing. hehe. back to work stuff. that person who wasn't at work at the beginning of the day came a bit later in the afternoon. like seriously it's so obvious you're sucking up to whoever. only a dumb asshole won't realise it. open up your eyes man. sighs. idk when is all these gonna stop. for fuck sake just be yourself. work normally like everyone else. then you'll eventually get credits for your hardwork. but then again that doesn't really count cos i've never see mine being appreciated. i'm not saying i've been working my ass off but at least i do what i'm paid for. fair enough. idk till when am i gonna hang on. sometimes when i come to think of it, i'm just kinda stupid to have to go through all these. but i'm just trying to be wise and not act on impulse. and of cos it because of bestie too. she's the reason i'm hanging on. i appreciate all the things she did for me. ily. anyways, i just hope tomorrow will be a great day ahead. hmm. hari raya is coming and i'm so not looking forward to it. i'm dragging myself to just be with my family for the day. but then again i don't wanna be selfish and just think about myself. so i'll be getting my day off on tuesday and will continue on an UNPAID leave on wednesday. kinda sucky right. i would rather work and get my DOUBLE pay. but it's okay, at least i'll be out from work and i can somehow or rather escape the drama for a day or two. well, gtg now. kinda sleepy already. got work in a couple of hours. yawns.

2008-09-25T16:47:00.000+08:00

work's fine today. as usual the crowd is depressing but it gets better towards the afternoon. anyways, the reason i think i should update my blog is this. i've never hated someone so much but yesterday i think was the day things change. he never fail to piss me off. and yesterday was the limit. i clearly told them to help me to something something something. it's either they are deaf or playing on the dumb side. so he wasn't happy. and he thinks i care? i don't give a shit. anyways, i already told myself i'll try not to talk to him ever. the sight of him itself could spoil my day. self-proclaimed. tsk tsk tsk. so work aside. i went back my place on my day off and i saw my sister-in-law. then only i realized how much i missed her. we've stopped talking for almost a year now. because of some stuff. i wish i could talk to her again like how we used to. stay up late and watch tv together. sighs. i guess all that are out of my reach. well for now at least. but whatever it is, i'm doing just great. away from family. i can feel the freedom and being independent is just great. hehe. okay, i gtg. the kids are crashing this place down. sooo noisy!

2008-09-22T09:41:00.000+08:00

"hello, how are you?" that is my favourite phrase for fidgets. haha. life's been pretty alright lately. just a couple of events that bring me down but now i'm up on my feet again. last week bestie passed the message to me from someone. it's kinda long-winded but to sum it up, i'm actually rude and arrogant. at first when i got to know about it, it really sadden me. it's like i'm being judged only on the outside. all my bad points highlighted but my good points are never acknowledged. i'm pretty sure i wasn't being sensitive but just any could have felt that way. i feel used. it's really unfair. but i looked at things on the brighter side of cos and managed to brush all the negativities away. and it paid off. i got a compliment. it felt really good to be complimented. anyways, work aside. i talked to julia last week. she seem pretty alright. i hope she doesn't make rash decision. and to bestie thanks yet again for being there and helping me. i might sound mushy but seriously i don't know what i'll do without you. (:

2008-08-28T15:41:00.000+08:00

oh gosh. i haven been feeling good these past few days. been sick for almost a week now. work is still manageable though. but i just feel annoyed by some things. why can't things in life just be fair? it doesn't have to be perfect but just fair. just because he says he wants to leave doesn't mean he can be treated in any different way. very frustrating. but anyways i don't see a point in fretting about those stuffs. it brings me no where. all i can do now is just be happy for what i have. which i am actually. so julia is no longer here and hell can i feel the difference in atmosphere at work. even though mairead is here, it's just not the same. well she's friendly and nice but, i don't know. it's just different. if i say i don't miss her, i must be lying. but not really affected by her absence though. life has to go on remember. and i'm doing just great. i hope she's just as great. anyways, i'm dying to get my pay. feel really bad bestie have to take care of all my lunch at work and stuff. i really thank her from the bottom of my heart man. love you! well i guess i've got nothing elso to blabber about so catch ya later.

2008-08-21T14:40:00.000+08:00

the last time i blog is exactly 2 months ago. fucking lot of shit happened in just the 2 months. first things first, work is still going alright (from what i think at least.) there's just so much to say but i don't where to start. everything's just a mess. that girl who changed my life, she's gone. forever. i'll never see her again. even if i do, it's not gonna be the same. in these 2 months, we celebrated my birthday, her birthday. the 3 of us do alot together. my birthday was a bash. hers was equally fantastic. all the credit goes to bestie. love you spongie. so that girl is gone and never coming back. the goodbye yesterday was so hard. it's really heart-breaking. i cried so much that my head hurt and my eyes was sorta swollen. never cried that bad for so long. then again. life goes on. i can't just let it affect my life. most importantly my work. cos it has been sucky lately. work have been annoying these days. the stupid people just won't leave me alone. i hate them. so much. like how just now when bestie told me that so and so called in and say that i was rude that sorta thing. it's really frustrating. everytime when i face them, i try to be different. i be the FAKE me. like acting nice and putting on a fake smile even how much i hate some of them. most of them are just great. they are really nice people. but some of them are so fucking annoying that you wish you could just shoot them dead at that very moment. well i take all of it as a challenge. an experience so maybe later in life, i'll know how to handle these people better. well i guess i better go now. gonna pop by fidgets. i can't sit at home if not i'll get all so emotional. i really don't know when i'll get a chance to write again but i'll try though.

2008-06-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

today work was okay. had fun. just felt extra happy. maybe it's b'cos of that person. i don't know. after work went straight home. tomorrow is gonna be such a busy day. i'm just gonna get screwed by people. anyways, can't wait for pay day to go for the luge thingy. nights.

2008-06-16T14:01:00.000+08:00

oh my god. like seriously my god. it's been so so long since i last blog. really missed blogging. a lot has happened for the past month. first of all i would like to thank my bestie for believing in me on that day. and since then i'm now a member of fidgets. thanks dear. love you to bits. :) it's really cool to be working with your best friend. side by side. it doesn't happen just to anyone. (only to the cute ones.) lol. anyways, now that i'm working at fidgets, everyday there are challenges. you know what i mean right bestie? haha. end of last month, we had our very first staff night out. it was just awesome. two thumbs up! yup, i was drunk. then last week, a couple of us went clubbing. it was just great. and yeah, i got drunk again. haha. well, it's inevitable right since i've got a low threshold for alcohol. boo hoo. from what i heard, the staff outing is gonna be a monthly thingy. that's so cool. anyways, i'm on off day today and it feel so good to wake up at noon and just laze around. it doesn't happen everyday. by the way, i really miss that someone. it's been a while since we talk. i wonder how he is. i hope he's fine, just like me.

p.s: i really like you but can you not be so bitchy.

2008-04-27T15:11:00.000+08:00

i'm kinda happy today. i actually ditched work for today to attend my bestie's birthday party. hope this makes her happy. it's kinda a surprise. she thought i'm working. i know she's "disapointed". haha. and so we'll be coming down to fidgets later to give her a birthday surprise. oops! i hope she doesn't read this blog. at least not before her party is over. my birthday gift for her is still pending. hope she doesn't mind. super broke lar. well at least last night we had a blast didn't we. i'm sure she's exhausted. slept only for a couple of hours. poor you. but fun right. hehe. gotta go. out for now. need to siap.

2008-04-26T14:45:00.001+08:00

phew! what a week i've been through. lots of ups and downs at work. this is all typical. you are new and everyone bullies you. i try to be patient and not just cry like the old me would do. but yesterday was just too much. the people suck and there's so much new stuff to absorb in matter of days. i called my darling bestie and just broke down. so sad. stop it seh. haha. then my manager saw me crying and she try to consoled and advised me. i get through the day and here i am blogging on my day off at work. hehe. i think i'm just gonna be patient and get through this hurdle. one more thing that i'm sad about is this. tomorrow is best friend's birthday and i have to work. i can't even be at her party. this totally suck. big time man. i know she's definitely disappointed but i realy got no choice. there's no one to cover my shift. i'm so sorry dear. i'll make it up to you somehow okay. and SHE'S also leaving fidgets. this is so so sad and disapointing. can't see her often. *sobs* anyways, i gotta go right now. going to fidgets and getting fidgetive. lol.

2008-04-17T17:25:00.001+08:00

i feel like it's been a while since i last blog. cam rindu gitu kan. haha. work is going fine. had extreme fun during training. get to know loads of people. ade step nak mampus. today's bestie's and my off day so that is why we decide to unwind a little by going clubbing last night. it's been a while seh. it was ladies night so everything was on the house. for ladies only, obviously. the club's ambience was fantabulous man. but a bit like high class lar. typical, mats and minahs filled like almost half of the dance floor. so we had a couple of drinks. and boogie the night away. we were all sober. haha. but the not so fun part was that the club closes at 3. and it's kinda too early. the party was just about to get started seh. after that we went makaning at the prata shop then straight home and boom, lala land here we come. woke up at 1.30 in the afternoon. it was tiring but overall was fun. there's something interesting though about last night. sheesh. shy seh. okay, i think i'm crapping.

2008-04-12T20:46:00.000+08:00

life's kinda boring these days. i missed my second class. don't ask why. have to make up. urgh. tomorrow got morning class. boring. it's sunday man. out.

2008-04-10T13:40:00.000+08:00

last night's lesson was very boring. lots of activities. activities was fun but there's just something about the lesson that makes me feel sleepy. minahs try to be nice and stuff. whatever. after the lesson, i realised i know nothing about coffee. totally nothing. zero. so i'm just doing some research so i won't be lost again for the next lesson. went straight home. was really hoping bestie is still awake. got so much to bitch about. she was wide awake. they ordered mac and i had my dinner from long john silver's which i got no time to eat during class. while waiting for the delivery, we bitch about people. actually it was more of me bitching about people. haha. it feels good to talk to someone who thinks almost just like you. feel the connection. lol. after the late night dinner then boom, lala land here i come. *snorings* very noisy. so since i'm not working today, i'm accompanying mama #2 to tampines. gotta go.

2008-04-09T14:16:00.000+08:00

today was awesome. making new friends was way cooler than i thought. i didn't know it was this easy. well at least for today. i made a couple of new friends on my first lesson training. when i reached the place, i was lost. asked for directions and i was there. while waiting for class to start, we just sat down. then this girl, apparently her name was natasha. she asked me to go smoke together. that was cool. just like that and we started hanging out. sat beside her in class and bitch about people. haha. the bimbo. then there was alwyn. that guy is cool. i like his piercing on the back of his neck. rachel came along. reminds me of diza. i don't know why. haha. but rachel's way cuter. we did coffee tasting. yup, again. everything else well went. but the lesson was draggy. i was so sleepy. ate that flu medicine. so drowsy. hope tomorrow's lesson is gonna go well. 38 pages to go for tomorrow. damn.

2008-04-07T17:20:00.000+08:00

it's been a while huh. kinda miss blogging. i went for the second interview last friday and it was okay. everything's fine but one thing is definitely worrying me. making new friends yet again. i'm such a loser at that. sheesh. last friday there's this 2 girls that was together with me for the first impression class. i striked a conversation with them. so unlike me you know. they answered my questions but sounded unwilling. urgh. so sad. there's gonna be 9 of us at the new outlet. can't wait for the other 6. class starts tomorrow and unfortunately i have to see those girls. i'm so gonna be alone. but it's okay, i'll try to be positive. these 2 weeks are gonna be training week. real work starts on the 24th of april when the new outlet opens at clarke quay. i just hope everything runs smoothly. and by the way, yaya's cast has been removed. like finally. haha.

2008-04-03T13:56:00.000+08:00

i'm in a serious state of confusion right now. i don't know what is freaking wrong with me. i just feel so fucked up. like everything is not right. i'm supposed to go for the trial party last tuesday but sandy pushed in forward to wednesday. she said people are on holiday. yeah, whatever. but in the end, the day i've been waiting for these 2 weeks. disappeared just like that. it's entirely my fault. i decided not to go. i don't know why. people always say, follow your heart. and that's just what i did. and now i'm full of regrets. i feel so bad doing this to sandy. i believe in karma. and i'm sure i'll get my retribution in one way or the other. i'm just so disappointed in myself that this had to happen. i waited for this chance and when it did came, i just blew it off. okay, enough said. i'm not gonna bring this up again and rub salt to my own wound. anyways, i had my first ever meal at swensen's last monday. my darling best friend's treat. so thoughtful of her. love her lots. then on tuesday, accompanied her shopping. from heeren to far east plaza then bugis. it's very exhausting but i'm fine. she bought for me perfume. thanks again darling. lunch was on raven. yummy chicken from kfc. then dinner with hendri at lerk thai. from there, straight home. we had so much fun together. i'm really happy i found her as my best friend. (: so then again, i'm having my second interview at starbucks tomorrow. yup, coffee hater making coffee. lol. i had my first interview last monday. went well. the boss new outlet is at liang court, clarke quay. so i might be working there. well maybe this whole incident is a blessing in disguise. *winks*

2008-03-30T18:01:00.000+08:00

weekends was pretty boring. just sat at home and thinking about this coming tuesday. very anxious at what the result is gonna be but at the same time nervous of cos. i hope all will be good. (fingers crossed.) going to effa's tomorrow to get some inspiration. hehe. hmm. gotta get going for now. (:

2008-03-28T13:15:00.000+08:00

tension. tension. tension. as the day draw nearer, i'm feeling so tense and stress. i wonder how am i gonna fair. sheesh. i'm so afraid. this will determine whether or not i get the job. can i put on a clown's costume and run the party? at least i'll look cute and stupid naturally. haha. be a monkey. run here and there. well, maybe i should be a monkey on that day. a monkey high on ecstacy. lol. anyways, i'm really freaking out about the trial party. i think about it all the time. she's gonna be watching you know. that's very pressurising. okay. you know what, i'm not gonna think much about it and i'll just go with the flow. everything's gonna be alright. (:

2008-03-27T17:34:00.000+08:00

yesterday was pretty boring. maybe not that boring but i was extremely nervous. so to brush the nervousness away, i decided to see what's good on tv. i was channel hopping when i came across a soccer match between singapore and lebanon. the match has got something to do with the 2010 fifa world cup. winner gets to play in the world cup or something. i don't know. the match was seriously boring. it's like watching some video then pressing the pause button and play again. pause again. and play. it's was god damn slow. sometimes i wonder just what the hell are the players doing. and there's definitely too much drama. haha. enough of all that crap. anyway, i met up with sandy earlier on for the interview. god was it nerve-wrecking. the interview was a short one as she was kinda busy. she exlained a couple of things about the post of a party host. and probably this coming tuesday, i've got a trial party. she wanna see how well i perform and at the same time am i gonna be a suitable party host. that's gonna be way scarier. i hope it's gonna go well. other then that, all is fine. thank god. so then after the interview, i hang out for a bit with effa and her colleagues. they were a fun lot. very cheerful and warm. i'm really looking forward to working with them. hopefully i do well this coming tuesday.

p.s: it'll be cool if whoever read my blog tag it as well. (:

2008-03-26T13:38:00.000+08:00

hello hello. i'm actually over the moon. i called sandy yesterday. (yup, i decided to give it a shot.) she answered and god was her accent thick. i understood what she was saying but at some point i just lost track. haha. so then she asked if i'm gonna be free tomorrow for an interview. (of cos i am. have always been.) so i said yes and i'm going down to fidgets tomorrow afternoon for an interview. god am i lucky. a golden opportunity struck twice. so right now i'm having mixed feelings. i'm definitely happy and excited but at the same time very nervous. i'm just afraid i'll get too nervous tomorrow and i'll answer sandy's questions with all the words jumbled up. no way. relax siti. deep breath. okay, i'm fine. just gonna be extra cheerful and bubbly tomorrow. (thanks dear effa for telling me that.) i'm confident but like i said before i don't wanna have high hopes. god bless me. i'm out for now.

2008-03-25T17:01:00.000+08:00

she replied. god. she called me ealier this morning while i was sleeping. at first i was a bit hesitant to return her call. eventually i did. but no answer. making me even nervous. shit. just gonna call her again later. god i'm freaking out. but i don't know why. okay, i'm crapping. god bless me. i'm out for now.

2008-03-24T18:30:00.000+08:00

gosh. i'm so disappointed in myself for not checking my email when sandy replied and ask me to come down for an interview. i've been brooding about it over the weekend. sheesh. i emailed her asking for another day of interview but she doesn't seem to be replying. oh god. do i deserve another chance? i don't know. but i'm really disappointed for missing this golden opportuity. i've prepared myself for the interview. but it seem i can just forget about it.

2008-03-21T16:48:00.000+08:00

gee, i'm so excited. fidgets just replied my email about the position of a party host. and i can come down for an interview. but at the same time i wouldn't wanna put high hopes and be disappointed in the end. i'm seriously bored of my life. really can't wait to have a job so that at least i'm gonna be occupied and won't have nonsensical thoughts. haha. anyways, wish me luck. (:

2008-03-14T18:36:00.000+08:00

recently i have always been bothered by nonsensical thoughts. i just find it ridiculous. i think i like this someone. more than a friend. but it's definitely impossible. how could i even think of liking that person. we are just friends and will remain that way for as long as time can tell. some things in life are just unchangeable. the thought of it is driving me insane. gosh what am i thinking. am i normal? haha. i'm not sure either. but what i can assure myself is that i really like that person.

2008-03-13T17:32:00.000+08:00

I live through my dark existence
only to bask in your beauty
your eyes that shine like sapphires
your smile that brightens even my sad
existence.

I envy the wind that runs through your
hair
that touches your lips
I long to touch you
to hold you in my arms but I cannot
for your heart belongs to another
so, I can only love you from afar
your friendship means more to me
than anything this world provides
but like an angel you touched my heart
in a way that I've never felt before
cause I've never known what LOVE is
until this day.

I know that we are only friends but my
heart wishes it to be more
so I will still hope & dream
that one day I can feel your lips
pressed to mine
to hold you in my arms
& say, "I Love You".

p.s: i just find this interesting. it's nothing.

2008-03-05T18:11:00.000+08:00

oh gosh, i swear to god that today is my most unlucky day. i won't regret if i'm not given a chance to live this day. i didn't realise in matter of hours so much can happen. actually not that much. hehe. well, earlier on i went for a job interview somewhere near eunos. it's a very stupid place i must say,trust me. after that whole interview was over, i sat down to take a rest beside this old lady. she then started talking to me. we talked about our lives. i mentioned we cos i shared mine too and i almost cried. haha. she asked whether have i had my lunch. i said no cos i really haven't. she then forced me to take $5 from her to have my lunch. this really moved me and it made me teared. she patted me on the shoulder and told me to be patient and learn to take things in stride. weirdly after that she left. i didn't think much about her unusual disappearance. so then i went for lunch all by my poor self. after lunch, i sat at this corner and smoked. as i was smoking, i noticed this guy walking up and down. he then sat in front of me. i just ignored him. after smoking, i just dumped the cigarette butt on the floor. moments later he came up to me saying that he's from NEA (some environmental thingy) and voila i was fined for littering. he said he's sorry he can't do anything cos his officers are all around. who are you trying to kid dude. go to hell. i just kept cool but deep down i was like damn. shouldn't have littered. fuck. so now i'm a pathetic jobless freak who has a $200 fine pending. what worst could have happen to anyone in matter of hours. just my stupid luck. maybe i'm a jinx. bad luck wherever i go. i just feel like crying my heart out loud right now. nobody understands how i feel. life really suck. for me at least.

2008-03-03T19:19:00.000+08:00

hello hello. was supposed to meet effa at 9 but came at 9.30 instead. i overslept. but when i reached, she wasn't there yet. haha. she's with a datin mind you. lol. we just went to survey fidgets. she wanna familiarised herself with the place before she starts tomorrow. nah uh, we didn't get lost this time. went for lunch then accompanied her mum for a job interview. guess where was it? army camp. yes, there was lots of army guys. kinda embarassed. hehe. it was pouring so we were all drenched and feeling cold. brrr. went home straight after that and right now i'm ravenous. yet to take my dinner. (stomach growling) lol. bye for now.

2008-03-02T16:12:00.000+08:00

now it seem that i have 2 homes, unofficially though. haha. whichever one that i come back to, i'll always be greeted by my darlings. when i'm at my doorstep, my niece sameera a.k.a mimi ( i like calling her that cos i think it's cute ) will greet me with her screamings. she'll run to the door as quick as lighting in her baby walker and held her hands up high, wanting to be cuddled. sweet right? i know. when i'm over at my best friend's house, her ever so charming baby brother never fail to warm up my heart. he'll give me unexpected hugs and kisses. i'm also grateful to have effa as my best friend. she's the greatest friend one could possibly have. and also thomas. he's really a nice person. love you guys. those little things in life can really make your day. i'm really thankful to be living this life although i might not have luxuries that others have. for me, this is my luxury.

2008-03-01T15:42:00.000+08:00

feeling a little silly now. feel like typing out something but not sure what. anyways, while i was checking my friendster earlier on i saw janet on shuwen's friends list. janet is actually my primary school friend. we were quite close cos i was sort of like her buddy when she first join the school when we were in primary 5. i can't believe that they actually know each other and they are from the same school. haha. what a small world. saw him online just now. was over the moon for a moment. haha. we are just like hi and bye friends now. saw thomas too but he didn't reply me. wonder what's wrong. do holla me back. i'm out for now.

2008-02-27T17:06:00.000+08:00

gosh, it's been days since i last blog. nothing much happen anyway. went to the movies with my bestie last saturday. we watched p.s: i love you. personally i think it's a really nice movie. their love story moved me. the next day i rushed back home cos my darling sister fractured her right arm and we gotta send her to the hospital. this whole week, i have to stay home and watch over her. sighs. monday was seriously bored. just stayed home the whole day and watched tv. met sam on tuesday to get some of my sister's school stuff. spent the afternoon with effa then went to have dinner together with hendri at harbourfront. yaya just replaced her cast with a new one today. it's way nicer then the one she had in malaysia. her cast is red in colour. did another x-ray. she cried a little cos that stupid doctor press her arm. she gotta live with that cast for a couple of months. she might even be celebrating her birthday with that cast. haha. good luck babe. and one more thing, congrats to my dearest friend for the new job offer. rock on babe. love you.

2008-02-22T15:55:00.000+08:00

i just hate her. she's a stupid dumb ass who doesn't know how to run that programme. now that segment sounds dumb just like her. can't they hire a more interesting person. it's just plain stupid. if there's no one to take over, just close that freaking show. it's getting lame anyway. even when he runs it, it sounded dumb too. at least recently. haha. for those of you who don't have the guts to listen, just don't. and now because of you fucked up people, i'm beginning to hate it. urgh.

p.s: just how much further should i go?

2008-02-21T14:04:00.000+08:00

slept over hendri's yesterday cos there's this job interview that effa had to go to and there's this straight bus from her place. woke up at 7am. it's been ages since i last wake up in the morning. feels kinda weird. haha. hendry packed us breakfast, thanks babe. then we headed off to the place. it's not easy to find the place. we walked quite a distance before we get there. reached the destination but couldn't find the precise location. went up the lift to the 4th floor only to find ourself at the 5th floor. i'm not kidding. it's real. then that michelle finally fetch effa. no wonder we couldn't find the place, cos it's still under renovation. lol. after the whole interview thing was over, we walk slowly back to the bus stop but thank goodness i saw the shuttle bus service so we waited for the bus to clementi mrt and now we're finally home! =)

p.s: how far should i go?

2008-02-20T16:14:00.000+08:00

went to st last monday with effa. i was just curious so i asked her to bring me there. gosh, it was hell of a job. very tiring. i really put my hats off to those who do it everyday. slept at 6 that day and woke up close to 3 in the afternoon. i slept like there was no tomorrow. haha. got up then accompany effa to vivo to meet hendri. got back home then meet effa's ex-bf cos we needed a favour from him. slept at 6 again last night. god, what a boring life i have. side track. when we at st last monday, there's this funny old man. we chatted with him to brush off our boredom. i can see that he's real sleepy cos it was like 3 in the morning but i kept him awake with my nonsense. lol. he said i was talkative. take it as compliment i guess. isn't it better if you're talkative rather than not interacting with others. i'm still in a midst of job-hunting by the way. i might be having a small reunion with my high school friends this saturday. kinda excited although a little nervous. it all depend on me though cos i'm famous for changing of plans at the very last minute. right, etty?

2008-02-17T18:00:00.000+08:00

watched eiffel i'm in love just now. i just find it sweet when ergy apologises to tita. in general it's yet another typical love story. i'm feeling so bored right now. gosh. talk to thomas just now. haha. his accent is so thick. but it's cool. might be meeting effa for lunch tomorrow. then spending the week at effa's. and to etty, can you please be patient. haha.

2008-02-16T18:53:00.000+08:00

i really wonder how vain a person can be. when i was at the supermarket earlier today with my mum and sis, this stupid bitch kept combing her hair and see how "pretty" she was. it really pisses me off. although she didn't provoke me one bit. haha. then came another slut who seriously don't deserve to live and her existence is just a waste of space. my mum accidentally bumped into her mum. my mum apologised of cos but she just kept cursing and she had this fucked up face trying to show us that she wants to fight. i was seriously like what the fuck is wrong with her. i just kept quiet and observe her. if it was the old me, i wouldn't have spare her. this mother fucking ******* people should really be banished from the surface of the earth. fucking hate them man. i myself feel lousy right now cos i've disappoint not one but two person. gosh, this suck. it's so annoying.

p.s: i'm so pissed right now so thats why this post is in red. haha.

2008-02-15T16:43:00.000+08:00

just sent it a couple of job applications. sighs. by the way thank you so much etty for helping me with this blog thingy. credit goes to her. i still can't believe that she threw away her testimonial. gosh. helping her to call the school later. pray hard that you can get a new one babe.

2008-02-14T17:11:00.000+08:00

met my mum yesterday. just felt like it was the happiest day i'd ever spent with her. she was extra nice to me. she didn't say things that she used to say that will hurt me. she didn't nag, well at least for yesterday. i'm so touched. i felt so special. accompanied her to the doctor yesterday. she've been complaining about her right knee. seems like it's swelling. doctor said she had arthritis. i think that's how it's supposed to be spelt. advised her not to go out so much. i know she dread staying home, like who doesn't. but it's for her own good. love you mother. =)

2008-02-11T17:50:00.000+08:00

been feeling kinda down lately. i realise in my 19 years of life, most of the time i'm always the problematic one. just had a misunderstanding with my best friend with kinda hurts me. i gotta agree that it was my fault. we cleared the misunderstandings so i guess things are alright now. when i come to think about it, i think people who said i got a problem with my attitude are so right. first was my vp back in secondary school. she always comment on how i react to things through my body language. and now even my best friend sees it so it's undeniable. i really would wanna change and be a better person in life. i have always been saying this but have not been doing much about it. so maybe it's time to practice what i preach. right now i'm just waiting for effa to text me cos we might be meeting up. till then. (:

2008-02-05T16:04:00.000+08:00

this job and resume thingy is seriously killing me. tried so many times to upload an attachment to the online resume but still cannot. this is so frustrating. urgh!

2008-02-02T21:09:00.001+08:00

like finally the wedding is over. now i'm just waiting for my mum to go home. i'm really sleepy cos i've got only 3 hours of sleep last night. my mum just wanna talk to her relatives which is kinda boring. sighs. i can't believe i actually cried just now when i saw my cousin. i still can't believe that she's married. we grew up together man. it's unbelievable. can't wait for monday. just wanna gossip more with effa. haha. there's something i wanna tell effa. do you wanna listen to siti sarah and lincoln's song? haha. you should know it babe.

2008-02-01T16:34:00.000+08:00

hello hello. later gonna rent movie with effa cos we got like lots of chips to indulge in. it was from has. yesterday me effa him and wan was just hanging out. and guess what, someone's "basah". haha. sighs, tomorrow gotta attend my cousin's wedding. i really can't believe she's getting married. we grew up together and she's like 19. well maybe it's just fate. but i kinda dread seeing all my relatives whom i have not met for ages. frankly speaking, i hate family gathering. i'm weird huh. sighs. when am i gonna get a new job. really need cash man. can't be asking from my mum all the time. my brothers? dream on. well at least i'm trying. tonight might be helping effa's mum doing that job. it's cool to be out late at night. hehe. miss going clubbing. sighs. kc didnt't read my story by the way. but he did read effa's.

2008-01-30T19:16:00.000+08:00

BORING! like seriously. i just send a story to kc. hope he reads it cos i've been trying since like forever. he keeps reading story from the same old people it seem. effa and i can actually remember those people. lol. we are seriously avid fans of misteri jam 12. it's like a routine that cannot and never shall be missed. some stories are really hair-raising while some are BORING! just send a resume. hope i get it.

2008-01-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

today was just like any other day. boring and dull but thinking that i'm at my best friend's house. everything seem at ease. life's totally a bore by the way. sighs! i seriously don't know what to do. i'm left all alone cos effa went clubbing and also to celebrate shira's birthday. hmm, yawns. sleepy. good night.